this is my life on IR
March 19th, 2010 § 3 Comments
“The most telling thing that narcissists do is contradict themselves. They will do this virtually in the same sentence, without even stopping to take a breath. It can be trivial (e.g., about what they want for lunch) or it can be serious (e.g., about whether or not they love you). When you ask them which one they mean, they’ll deny ever saying the first one, though it may literally have been only seconds since they said it — really, how could you think they’d ever have said that? You need to have your head examined! They will contradict FACTS. They will lie to you about things that you did together. They will misquote you to yourself. If you disagree with them, they’ll say you’re lying, making stuff up, or are crazy. [At this point, if you're like me, you sort of panic and want to talk to anyone who will listen about what is going on: this is a healthy reaction; it's a reality check ("who's the crazy one here?"); that you're confused by the narcissist's contrariness, that you turn to another person to help you keep your bearings, that you know something is seriously wrong and worry that it might be you are all signs that you are not a narcissist].”
Taken from: http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/traits.html#contra
The last two or three weeks have been really, really hard. Like, to the point where I get a knot in my stomach everytime I get an email because I think it’s more craziness from her. Too much has happened recently to describe here, but suffice it to say, there’s some messed up shit at hand and it’s taking a toll on a variety of parties.
Reason doesn’t work. Kindness doesn’t work. Anger doesn’t work. Honesty doesn’t work. Nothing gets through to her. We really don’t know what to do and it’s not as if we can just ignore her. But things can’t keep going like this…
Just found your blog. This passage describes our BM to a T, and like you, I have had the knots in my stomach and the visceral anger and all the rest of it. Things are better since we organized custody (50/50 split) through the courts so she can’t realistically wield access to SS as a weapon anymore. Just wanted to let you know that I sympathize completely. *hugs*
Thank you. It really is tough sometimes, isn’t it…? Helps to hear that someone else feels it, too (the whole “is it me?” effect) — but I’m sorry you have to deal with the nonsense.
Oddly enough I just had this conversation with DH about BM. There have been several times where she has said something and when reminded just a few days later would say, “You didn’t hear that because I never said it”. It really makes you question your own sanity. I think BPD goes hand in hand with NPD as well.